In Olden Days, when the Earth was young, a custom developed among the people of the world which offered individuals a successful, peaceful life. The Leader of the people, whoever he was, had a plaster cast of his ass made, and from this casting a bronze one was made. This life-size reproduction of the Leader's ass was then placed in a cart and taken door to door in the towns and villages throughout the land. When the Royal Bronze Ass arrived at your door, you were invited to lick it. Each time it was licked, it was cleaned with the local type of moonshine whiskey. Somehow they knew how to prevent disease. They didn't know why, only that alcohol worked. If you licked The Ass, the official who brought it to your door would bow, and write your name in a book. From then on you could expect to have a happy life. Your dreams were likely to come true, and you would be well accepted among your piers and in general society. You would achieve prosperity. Those who licked it, which were most, often commented that they felt something leave them the moment they touched it with their tongues, something they didn't even know they had. Many later said that they wished that they still had whatever it was, so that they could explore life with that which had exited just as The Ass entered. But they never lingered on it for long. For those who refused to lick the Royal Bronze Ass, life was very different. They also had their names written in a book. But from then on their lot was persecution, social rejection, often even from their own ass-licking families, and financial turmoil. This torment would continue indefinitely, unless they found some powerful means of reversing it, or unless they decided to succumb and lick The Ass. The offer to lick The Ass remained open to them, and if they did, sometimes they were rewarded even more than their fellow countrymen who had licked it from the beginning. As times became more sophisticated the Bronze Ass was set aside and the methods of showing subserviant devotion became more subtle. Yet to lick the proberbial Bronze Ass is still a prerequisite to success in any field of endeavor. One doesn't even have the embarrassing moment of truth to contend with, no one comes to your door with a Bronze Ass anymore. But whatever the method in whatever the age and place your find yourself to be, the results are the same. Something leaves you, something you never knew you had, and you start out on the road to success and fulfillment. Have you licked the Bronze Ass today? | 
