Rambo IV, Yet Again a movie you could probably miss. That's right, Slyvester Stallone has come out of retirement to make yet another Rambone movie. This one begins somewhere in Southeast Asia, where Rambone is wrangling rattlesnakes (cobras, actually) for a local circus that pits man against snake for the amusement of drunken gamblers. You have to be tough to wrangle snakes, I guess. He's nearly 65 now, but still on steriods. So when some "Judeo-Christian" missionaries show up and ask him to serve as a guide into a civil war torn, lizard infested jungle so that they can distribute their version of the bible, he's ready to go. He asks them why they want to do it, and they reply "To make a difference." (I wonder how long it took them to write that line) He replies, "Are you bringing any weapons?" And of course, the do-gooders say, "Of course not!" To which he rightly replies, "Then you ain't gonna make no difference." Their Judeo-Christian outrage at that remark is the best part of the movie. But not good enough to rate the $12.99 hotel video fee (where else would anyone watch this??) Unless of course, your employer is picking up the hotel bill. Then pull a beer out of the mini-fridge and have at it. The Saving Private Ryan bloody movie effects are a step up from his previous pieces of trash, but they alone cannot save this one from the dumpster. At the end of the movie he waits in ambush for the bad oriental man who's fleeing the hell on earth caused by his demonic wrath. Rambone jumps out and intercepts the man's flight, then slices his belly open with a huge knife. As the bad guy rolls down the hill in death, the viewer notices how his upper half rolls away from his lower half. That' right, Rambonius sliced him right in two. Entzwei, baby. I could here all of the teenagers saying "Cooooool". Then the movie ends, one nice bloodbath for the road, Rambone. For the road to oblivion. Skip this one, and it's counterpunch, Rocky VI, Thiry Years in the Life of a Semi-retarded Thumb-breaker from Philly. Slyvester, you arrogant ass, go home- it's over. I hope you saved your money.
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