Poor Whitly Click, number one pharma sales rep in 2007, animal health division.  (That's vet meds, dogs and cats, ocasionally horses)  At the 2008 sales orgy he was given his construction paper award, complete with his name on it.   They patted him on his fleshy back and said, "Gee, what a good boy you are!"  The room full of sales zombies sipped their Manhattans and stared.

Later, he was asked to speak to the rest of us peons- to impart some of his sales wisdom to the seething masses.  Whitly Click had none to give.  That's because Whitly  Click is a dick.

A nice enough guy and all, I mean, he loves high end hunting rifles.  We talk for hours about English double guns in massive, African calibers like the awe inspiring .500 Nitro Express.  A rifle that can literally roll a huge grizzly bear right back up its mother's womb.   It can hit it so hard it will actually jump temporarily back in time.  You don't even have to take the bear to the taxidermist.  One shot from that mighty rifle and the beast flies up in the air, only to come down again as chops, steaks, burger and a fine, thick rug you can curl your toes in.  Ahh, the .500 Nitro Express.  A gun so expensive only a dick can afford one.

Well, if you're going to sell your soul to dick-dom that's a pretty good reason, I guess.  But I'd still hate to be that much of a dick, even if I did get a smokin' fine shoulder rod out of it.  I'll stick with my old fashioned lever action lead pump.

But Whitly was number one clown for a day.  And he has his construction paper prize to prove it, complete with his name and everything.  He earned over $2,000,000 for the company in one year.  That deserves some construction paper.  (It's the same kind of paper that I made shit out of in Kindergarten, you know, the really thick, quality stuff.)  You have to go all the way to Walmart or Kresge's to get paper like that. 

At Walmart you'll find the kind of construction paper that says, "A Job Well Done."   What's more, it's highly absorbent paper, so that when you wise up and wipe your ass with it, it's both soft and efficient.  Being light weight, it's also cost effective to mail back to your boss after having done so.

Poor Whitly Click.  If he wants to get ahead, then he should invest in dapper clothes and a winning smile.  Drink with the boys and girls.  Laugh at stupid jokes, go to barbaques and attend meetings you don't need to.  Learn the secret satanic handshake.   But don't bust your ass unless you're short of Charmin in the shithouse.